Back to School – are Parents More Anxious than Children?

Camp’s out and school is about to begin and there’s understandably a great deal of anticipation regarding the new year – in both students and parents.  It’s only natural that everyone is also a bit (or more) anxious. Kids are often worried about the new teacher, about making friends, about the work load and about the dreaded return of the hectic school schedule after the fun of summer.  Parents are anxious also –especially in the super heated and competitive world of NYC private schools.   Parents are often more anxious than their children and they show it by voicing their concerns – reminding their children that it’s important to do well, that there’s a great deal of competition out there, that this year will be harder than last year, and (if last year wasn’t stellar) that they better improve (the speech!).

This is not a good strategy.  When parents voice their own fears they only increase their children’s anxieties.  Parents need to downplay their own anxieties and encourage their children by telling them that they are sure their children will have a good year, adjust to the teacher and make friends.  It’s important to LISTEN to your child’s concerns, to let them talk about what worries them and brainstorm if there’s a real problem, but it’s not good to rachet up fears.

In my experience as a school psychologist, parents often needed more help than their children- especially in the transition years – kindergarten, middle school, high school and college.  However, as they learn to think about the impact of their words the whole family benefits.