ParentConfidante Blog

Best Early Intervention Helps Manhattan Preschooler into Mainstream Private School

I was very happy today to get this email from a former client.

Toby,

I just want to let you know that <child's name> made dramatic improvement this year and actually made it into <mainstream Upper East Side NYC private school>!!!  Can you believe it?  We can't and as you can imagine we are overjoyed!

The audiologist and the speech therapist you recommended made all the difference, especially after <NYC preschool director> sent us on that wild ride.  You would not believe how <child's name> is now totally in the mix in class.  He even gets invited to playdates.  What a difference we've seen this school year.

Thank you again.

Coping with Dyslexia

I recently read an article about Dannel P. Malloy who is running for Governor of Connecticut.  Although Mr. Malloy graduated magna cum laudi from Boston College and from Boston College Law School, as a child he had trouble learning to read, do math and master basic skills such as tying his shoes.  As late as the fourth grade, his teachers thought he was retarded.  However, his mother knew better and she encouraged him to concentrate on what he could do well.  For instance, she knew Dannel had a good memory and gave him a radio so he could hone his oral listening skills.

It turned out, Mr. Malloy had a learning disability which thirty years ago wasn't as readily discerned as today.  Mr. Malloy eventually learned to read although to speed the process, he listened to books on tape until he was a sophomore in college.

I find Mr. Malloy's story interesting in many ways. He was so lucky.  First, his  remarkable mother listened to her intuition about her son and not what she was told.  She encouraged him to use the skills he had, while helping him overcome his weaknesses.  Too often, we as parents overlook our children's strengths because we're so concerned about the implications of their weaknesses.  In addition, he was lucky that he was in a mainstreamed learning situation where he could learn and be intellectually stimulated by listening.  Mr. Malloy also learned what it takes to be successful.  Learning disabled children have to work harder than anyone just to keep up.  But that hard work, determination and perseverance pay off.  It certainly has for Mr. Malloy.

We often tell children about famous people (e.g. Nelson Rockefelor, Tom Cruise) who also struggled with learning disabilities.  To that list we should add Mr. Malloy (and his mother).

In my special needs consulting in NYC, Westchester and New Jersey, I often hear parents say that their pediatrician told them not to be concerned about the delays they saw- that all children develop differently.  But, these parents listened to their intuition, had their children evaluated and had them receive early intervention special education services.  Early Intervention made all the difference - many of the children are now in regular classes doing well.

 

 

Motivating Boys to Learn -Gender Gap Revisited

In the past when the “Gender Gap” was discussed it usually pertained to the discrepancy between boys’ and girls’ achievement – with girls not doing as well academically. However, all that has changed and the main concern now is that boys (in all socio-economic levels) are in trouble and falling behind in their achievement test scores and in their graduation rates from college. This has been brewing for about twenty years and there is apprehension that if the trend continues, there will be a negative economic and cultural impact. There’s already a social impact as demonstrated on the front page of this week’s (2/7/10)  New York Times Sunday/Styles section- The New Math on Campus – no men.

In trying to understand how this developed, Richard Whitmire has just published a new book called “Why Boys Fail”. His thesis, in a nutshell, is that as schools have put greater emphasis on verbal skills –reading and writing in every subject area- the unintended consequence was that many boys became turned off to school and lacked motivation to strive and do well. They were no match for their female peers. He states that as a society we need to focus our efforts on this problem, see where boys are succeeding and failing and make the changes that are needed.

Many of us who work with children in the schools have witnessed this “gender-gap” and are convinced that one of the main problems is not so much the emphasis on verbal skills but the push for literacy into kindergarten and even pre-kindergarten classes. Kindergarten children are expected to do more seat work than in the past, copy from the board, and have basic reading and writing skills before entering first grade. This is especially true in many NYC private schools.  While this pressure works well for some, it is stressful and discouraging for those youngsters (often boys) who just can’t sit for extended period of time, don’t yet have the fine motor control to copy letters and aren’t ready for the sound/symbol associations needed for reading. It’s no wonder that many boys end up feeling discouraged about learning basic skills which they could master easily at a later date. Many more boys than girls are referred for evaluations due to learning or behavioral problems and some of these referrals are certainly due to unrealistic expectations. We seem to have forgotten that there’s a great deal to be learned from play, from circle games and from free time –for all children.

I liked the approach of my son’s kindergarten teacher – she asked “Who wants to learn to read” and most of the girls in the class ran to her - the boys continued playing with blocks. It made no difference in their ultimate reading competence.

NYC parents are now waiting eagerly for the decisions from private schools. It’s essential to keep in mind that not every school or every program is right for every child. It’s important to match the child with the school and if a child isn’t ready for a rigorous academic setting, then it’s not the right place. In the long run he’ll feel better about learning and about himself.