ParentConfidante Blog

Dyslexia and Auditory Discrimination: Is There a Link?

 Unfortunately there is no definitive understanding of what causes dyslexia, a severe reading disorder.  In spite of numerous studies and theories, the underlying causes are unknown and remediation can be a hit and miss process.  A recent article in the New York Times on 8/2/11 (Study Says Dyslexia May have Auditory Tie) described a research project at MIT which found that dyslexics had much much difficulty recognizing voices than non-dyslexics.  The  difference was so great that a problem in this area could be used as a diagnostic tool.

While this study is interesting, the link between weak auditory discrimination and dyslexia is well known and in fact one of the first clues may be trouble rhyming  - the child just doesn’t hear the sounds. Early intervention is crucial because auditory discrimination can be improved and children can be taught to read by other methods if they can’t latch onto the sound/symbol relationship.

If you think your child may have a problem, early assessment by a speech/language therapist, learning disabilities specialist or psychologist is critical.  If you live in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Riverdale, Westchester, or New Jersey, I can help you by meeting your child and hooking you up with some of the most highly regarded and experienced local practitioners.  Call me at 646-300-1881 or toby(at)parentconfidante.com for information about my consulting services. 

 

NYC High Stakes Tutoring

The NY Times today (6/8/11) highlighted a practice that is well known in NYC private schools - private tutoring for even the brightest youngsters who are at elite schools.  These students are tutored to insure that they receive top grades (only A's) thereby enhancing their chances of getting into elite colleges.  It was pointed out in the article that academic tutoring has increased tremendously in recent years.  It actually starts when the youngsters are toddlers  - to help them get into preschool.

Parents feel that they are providing the best they can for their children's long term success and tutoring will certainly give a student the leg up, but it's hard to tell if intensive and extensive tutoring is really what a student needs in the long run.  If the problem is a lack of motivation or a lack of academic self confidence, the student may actually end up feeling that they can't be successful on their own.  They may feel that they lack the the skills that help them succeed - perseverance, organization and comprehension -  and can only succeed with someone helping them.  It might be better to zero in on the  motivational and self esteem factors which can be of benefit throughout their lives.

 

 

TWICE EXCEPTIONAL SCHOOLS for NYC 2e children

  Two recent additions to the array of private schools in NYC focus on the twice exceptional child - that child who has excellent cognitive ability but also a learning disability, ADHD, or emotional or social difficulty which impacts their success - thus 2e.  The Quad Preschool opened it's doors in September, 2010 as did the Lang School (K-8).

The time is right for these schools to open as I think there is a real need.  In my work with children as a school psychologist, CPSE Chairperson and as a special needs educational consultant, I have seen many children who have been exceptionally bright but were hampered by social or learning problems.  They often had superior language skills but couldn't concentrate or listen in a group - one on one with an adult they were a delight.  It was often difficult to find the right school for these children, because in spite of their learning difficulties, they need high level language stimulation and an enriched curriculum - as well as the right educational, behavioral and emotional remediation and support.  Without that stimulation, there is increased danger of underachievement and a lack of motivation.

I'ts wonderful to have these "twice exceptional" schools as special needs private school options in NYC.

 

  Two recent additions to the array of private schools in NYC focus on the twice exceptional child - that child who has excellent cognitive ability but also a learning disability, ADHD, or emotional or social difficulty which impacts their success - thus 2e.  The Quad Preschool opened it's doors in September, 2010 as did the Lang School (K-8).

The time is right for these schools to open as I think there is a real need.  In my work with children as a school psychologist, CPSE Chairperson and as a special needs educational consultant, I have seen many children who have been exceptionally bright but were hampered by social or learning problems.  They often had superior language skills but couldn't concentrate or listen in a group - one on one with an adult they were a delight.  It was often difficult to find the right school for these children, because in spite of their learning difficulties, they need high level language stimulation and an enriched curriculum - as well as the right educational, behavioral and emotional remediation and support.  Without that stimulation, there is increased danger of underachievement and a lack of motivation.

I'ts wonderful to have these "twice exceptional" schools as special needs private school options in NYC.

  Two recent additions to the array of private schools in NYC focus on the twice exceptional child - that child who has excellent cognitive ability but also a learning disability, ADHD, or emotional or social difficulty which impacts their success - thus 2e.  The Quad Preschool opened it's doors in September, 2010 as did the Lang School (K-8).

The time is right for these schools to open as I think there is a real need.  In my work with children as a school psychologist, CPSE Chairperson and as a special needs educational consultant, I have seen many children who have been exceptionally bright but were hampered by social or learning problems.  They often had superior language skills but couldn't concentrate or listen in a group - one on one with an adult they were a delight.  It was often difficult to find the right school for these children, because in spite of their learning difficulties, they need high level language stimulation and an enriched curriculum - as well as the right educational, behavioral and emotional remediation and support.  Without that stimulation, there is increased danger of underachievement and a lack of motivation.

I'ts wonderful to have these "twice exceptional" schools as special needs private school options in NYC.

Best Early Intervention Helps Manhattan Preschooler into Mainstream Private School

I was very happy today to get this email from a former client.

Toby,

I just want to let you know that <child's name> made dramatic improvement this year and actually made it into <mainstream Upper East Side NYC private school>!!!  Can you believe it?  We can't and as you can imagine we are overjoyed!

The audiologist and the speech therapist you recommended made all the difference, especially after <NYC preschool director> sent us on that wild ride.  You would not believe how <child's name> is now totally in the mix in class.  He even gets invited to playdates.  What a difference we've seen this school year.

Thank you again.

Help Finding NYC, New Jersey, and Westchester Schools for Hyperlexic Children

Thanks to NYC schools consultant Emily Glickman of Abacus Guide Educational Consulting who gave me a shout out today for my work helping hyperlexic children find appropriate private and public schools in Manhattan and surrounding areas.

To read Emily's post, Help for Hyperlexia (Thoughts on Gilman's The Anti-Romantic Child) on her New York City (Manhattan and Brooklyn) schools blog.

Manhattan Special Needs: Manhattan Needs More Special Needs High Schools like Churchill High School

I recently attended an open house at the Churchill School that was amazingly crowded with New York parents looking for an opening in a Manhattan Middle or High School.  Churchill School made it clear that there were very few spots available but that didn't keep the parents from asking very thoughtful, knowledgeable questions and appearing hopeful.  They were obviously hoping that their child would be the lucky one to get that opening in the 6th or 9th grade and hoping that more Manhattan parents would be transfered to San Francisco so another spot was available.  When asked where else their children were applying, some parents mentioned Winston Prep and  boarding schools for children with special needs (Landmark, Eagle Hill), but all bemoaned the dearth of High Schools in NYC for children who continue to need specialized instruction and organizational support.

It is surprising that there are so few secondary special needs schools in NYC.  I guess the hope is that most students will be able to thrive in mainstream schools if they get the help they need in the early grades.  However, the demands in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Riverdale, and Westchester high schools are intensive and children with learning disabilities often need continued support and accommodations.  Children with special needs have to work hard to compensate for their difficulties and they can be easily discouraged if the demands are overwhelming.   Although there are some non-special ed private schools that offer support programs, it may not be enough and it's no wonder that parents are concerned.

Recognizing the need, Aaron Academy and Mary McDowell Friends School have recently started high schools as an extension of their elementary schools.  These are welcome additions.  However, it seems that more is needed - what an entrepreneurial as well as educational opportunity!

For help in 2011-2012, toby@parentconfidante.com  or 646-300-1881 and hurry please as my schedule is filling quickly.

Help for NYC Siblings of Autistic Children (Unlike During Allen Shawn's Childhood)

In the New York Times Style Magazine (12/5/10), there is an excerpt from Allen Shawn’s upcoming memoir, “Twin”, in which he writes about the disappearance from his life at the age of 8 of his twin sister, Mary.  Allen, the son of William Shawn, the legendary New Yorker editor, describes how he felt when Mary, diagnosed as autistic, was sent to Sandpiper, a residential school for mentally disabled children.  Except for scripted letters and occasional visits, she vanished from the everyday life in Manhattan of Allen and his brother Wallace, leaving Allen disoriented, with a fierce fear of loss and a consuming focus on “truthfulness”.  As he puts it, Mary’s “departure from our life was like an unmourned death”.  The family rarely referred to her.

Mary is described as inner directed, but also connected to her siblings, showing affection and sometimes joining them in their games.  She could be erratic in her moods and not communicative verbally.  She is not described as explosive, out of control or a danger to herself or others and there’s no question that in our time, she would have stayed with the family.  What happened to Mary is reflective of how children with severe mental, developmental or emotional disabilities were treated in the 50’s and 60’s and her residential placement was no doubt recommended and supported by the professionals who were working with her.

Parents, often bewildered and surely guilty, felt that sending children with disabilities away was beneficial to them and the whole family and it seems that little notice was taken of the impact that such a banishment had on the other children in the family.  While it is probable that Mary’s life experience was narrowed and her potential curtailed, the impact on the other children was also profound.  Allen didn’t understand until he was an adult that his severe anxiety disorder was directly related to what happened to his sister.

There is currently much more of a realization of what should have been clear - that the normally developing siblings are impacted by the decisions made regarding the child with special needs.  Allen’s life experience would certainly have been different if his parents were able to talk about why they sent Mary away and maintain more contact with her.  However, in those days such openness would have been extraordinary.  More common then, and often now, is the shame and guilt that limits communication.

Today, there are programs available to help brothers and sisters of individuals with special learning, health, emotional of developmental needs.  One of the best known programs is Sibshops which provides a framework for siblings to meet with peers and share experiences, feelings and advice.  The meetings have a recreational aspect as well and are fun.  Many agencies sponsor Sibshops and availability should be checked on the internet. 

Perhaps if Sibshops were available for Allen, he would have been spared some of the emotional stress in his adult life.  But that wasn’t the style in those days (maybe that’s why this article was in the Styles section.)

I have lead Sibshops and know first hand how liberating and beneficial these groups can be for youngsters with special needs siblings.

In addition, numerous Manhattan, Brooklyn, New Jersey and Westchester families have hired me to meet privately with them to discuss how to help siblings of autistic children.  Luckily, today, we recognize the needs of all children in a family.

Coping with Dyslexia

I recently read an article about Dannel P. Malloy who is running for Governor of Connecticut.  Although Mr. Malloy graduated magna cum laudi from Boston College and from Boston College Law School, as a child he had trouble learning to read, do math and master basic skills such as tying his shoes.  As late as the fourth grade, his teachers thought he was retarded.  However, his mother knew better and she encouraged him to concentrate on what he could do well.  For instance, she knew Dannel had a good memory and gave him a radio so he could hone his oral listening skills.

It turned out, Mr. Malloy had a learning disability which thirty years ago wasn't as readily discerned as today.  Mr. Malloy eventually learned to read although to speed the process, he listened to books on tape until he was a sophomore in college.

I find Mr. Malloy's story interesting in many ways. He was so lucky.  First, his  remarkable mother listened to her intuition about her son and not what she was told.  She encouraged him to use the skills he had, while helping him overcome his weaknesses.  Too often, we as parents overlook our children's strengths because we're so concerned about the implications of their weaknesses.  In addition, he was lucky that he was in a mainstreamed learning situation where he could learn and be intellectually stimulated by listening.  Mr. Malloy also learned what it takes to be successful.  Learning disabled children have to work harder than anyone just to keep up.  But that hard work, determination and perseverance pay off.  It certainly has for Mr. Malloy.

We often tell children about famous people (e.g. Nelson Rockefelor, Tom Cruise) who also struggled with learning disabilities.  To that list we should add Mr. Malloy (and his mother).

In my special needs consulting in NYC, Westchester and New Jersey, I often hear parents say that their pediatrician told them not to be concerned about the delays they saw- that all children develop differently.  But, these parents listened to their intuition, had their children evaluated and had them receive early intervention special education services.  Early Intervention made all the difference - many of the children are now in regular classes doing well.

 

 

Helping Parents and Children Cope with Rejection From NYC Private Schools

    Now that the NYC private school acceptance and rejection letters have been mailed out, some parents are thrilled and relieved and some are sorely disappointed.   The children may not know or care what NYC private school they’ll be attending,  but they are also feeling the effects of their success or failure to get into the right school.   While some children are basking in their parents’ approval, others no doubt feel that they have let their parents down.  Parents need to be aware that children are highly sensitive to their parents’ moods and are listening even when they don’t seem to be.  In the pressure cooker of NYC private school admissions, it may seem that failing to be accepted to a top school will have a tremendously negative impact on a child’s future, but a child’s success is not written in stone at this age.  What can have a damaging long term effect, however, is a child who feels that they are not good enough and can’t please their parents.  Given their age, they may also feel that they are the cause of some other problems that the family is perhaps experiencing.
     It is important for parents to be especially loving, accepting and encouraging at this time and to be alert to any unusual signs of stress in their children.  If a child expresses any fears about their schools (don’t forget they’ve been coached, tested, interviewed) they should be reassured that they will go to a good school which they’ll love.
     And they probably will love the school they go to.  In addition, they may ultimately do even better academically than they would  in a more selective school.  There is a  body of research called the Big Fish Little Pond Effect which has shown that bright children in very selective educational placements often have less academic self esteem and lower academic achievement than similar children in less competitive educational settings. In short, it’s better to be a Big Fish in a Small Pond than a Small Fish in a Big Pond.

Motivating Boys to Learn -Gender Gap Revisited

In the past when the “Gender Gap” was discussed it usually pertained to the discrepancy between boys’ and girls’ achievement – with girls not doing as well academically. However, all that has changed and the main concern now is that boys (in all socio-economic levels) are in trouble and falling behind in their achievement test scores and in their graduation rates from college. This has been brewing for about twenty years and there is apprehension that if the trend continues, there will be a negative economic and cultural impact. There’s already a social impact as demonstrated on the front page of this week’s (2/7/10)  New York Times Sunday/Styles section- The New Math on Campus – no men.

In trying to understand how this developed, Richard Whitmire has just published a new book called “Why Boys Fail”. His thesis, in a nutshell, is that as schools have put greater emphasis on verbal skills –reading and writing in every subject area- the unintended consequence was that many boys became turned off to school and lacked motivation to strive and do well. They were no match for their female peers. He states that as a society we need to focus our efforts on this problem, see where boys are succeeding and failing and make the changes that are needed.

Many of us who work with children in the schools have witnessed this “gender-gap” and are convinced that one of the main problems is not so much the emphasis on verbal skills but the push for literacy into kindergarten and even pre-kindergarten classes. Kindergarten children are expected to do more seat work than in the past, copy from the board, and have basic reading and writing skills before entering first grade. This is especially true in many NYC private schools.  While this pressure works well for some, it is stressful and discouraging for those youngsters (often boys) who just can’t sit for extended period of time, don’t yet have the fine motor control to copy letters and aren’t ready for the sound/symbol associations needed for reading. It’s no wonder that many boys end up feeling discouraged about learning basic skills which they could master easily at a later date. Many more boys than girls are referred for evaluations due to learning or behavioral problems and some of these referrals are certainly due to unrealistic expectations. We seem to have forgotten that there’s a great deal to be learned from play, from circle games and from free time –for all children.

I liked the approach of my son’s kindergarten teacher – she asked “Who wants to learn to read” and most of the girls in the class ran to her - the boys continued playing with blocks. It made no difference in their ultimate reading competence.

NYC parents are now waiting eagerly for the decisions from private schools. It’s essential to keep in mind that not every school or every program is right for every child. It’s important to match the child with the school and if a child isn’t ready for a rigorous academic setting, then it’s not the right place. In the long run he’ll feel better about learning and about himself.