ParentConfidante Blog

Back to School – are Parents More Anxious than Children?

Camp’s out and school is about to begin and there’s understandably a great deal of anticipation regarding the new year – in both students and parents.  It’s only natural that everyone is also a bit (or more) anxious. Kids are often worried about the new teacher, about making friends, about the work load and about the dreaded return of the hectic school schedule after the fun of summer.  Parents are anxious also –especially in the super heated and competitive world of NYC private schools.   Parents are often more anxious than their children and they show it by voicing their concerns – reminding their children that it’s important to do well, that there’s a great deal of competition out there, that this year will be harder than last year, and (if last year wasn’t stellar) that they better improve (the speech!).

This is not a good strategy.  When parents voice their own fears they only increase their children’s anxieties.  Parents need to downplay their own anxieties and encourage their children by telling them that they are sure their children will have a good year, adjust to the teacher and make friends.  It’s important to LISTEN to your child’s concerns, to let them talk about what worries them and brainstorm if there’s a real problem, but it’s not good to rachet up fears.

In my experience as a school psychologist, parents often needed more help than their children- especially in the transition years – kindergarten, middle school, high school and college.  However, as they learn to think about the impact of their words the whole family benefits.

Fast Tracking to Kindergarten and Harvard?

In the highly competitive environment of New York City private schools it is no wonder that many parents start tutoring their youngsters at a very young age in an effort to give them the extra edge.  In "Fast-Tracking to Kindergarten" (May 15, 2011) the N.Y. Times highlighted the Junior Kumon program which tutors children in basic skills starting at age 3.  Kumon asserts "the younger the better" and states that the repetition inherent in the program develops concentration.  Parents described the benefits of the program as their childrens' knowlege increased,

What was missing in the article was any mention of developmental level and individual differences in children.  While many of the youngsters seemed to take the tutoring in stride, there must be those with shorter attention spans, children who are just not ready to form letters, children who have special needs and just can't see the difference between letters and children who just aren't into it.  What happens then?  Are parents advised to stop with Junior Kumon at this point or do they soldier on thinking their children will benefit in the long run? 

This program (and others) has the potential of frustrating children and impacting motivation in a negative way if individual differences aren't taken into account.  The little 3 year old matching letters didn't look too happy in her picture in the N.Y.Times.  Maybe that was because she'd just been told that her #12 was "sloppy".  Given some time for her motor skills to develop, she'll no doubt make a beautiful 12.

At ParentConfidante Special Needs Consulting, we make the academic and school recommendations that are right for the child - one size doesn't fit all.