ParentConfidante Blog

Does My Child Have A.D.D.?

A recent article highlights the importance of environmental factors when diagnosing and treating children with Attention Deficit Disorder (A.D.D.).  Dr. L. Alan Sroufe (NY Times, 1/29/12) wrote a comprehensive article on the overuse of drugs in the treatment of A.D.D. He takes issue with the assumption that there is a "brain deficit" in children who have attention difficulties and points out that the improvement in attention fades over time and that all people benefit from stimulant medication when focusing on more rote tasks.  His basic point, is that society is overlooking environmental influences in the rush to medicate.  For instance, emotional problems such as depression, turmoil at home, lack of social support, and ineffective parenting can produce behavior and attention problems  and these factors are not addressed in the rush to medication.

Many of Dr.Sroufe's observations were confirmed in my practice as a school psychologist.  I found ADHD becoming an increasingly frequent diagnosis with medication as the primary recommendation.  However, I  knew from working with the student that there were other, sometimes more pressing factors such as family distress or parenting disagreement.  It was much easier to go the path of medication than tangle with the difficult task of understanding the family dynamics and making changes.

That being said, there were many instances when medication was crucial and effective.  The child learned, felt better about himself because he wasn't constantly being redirected and gained socially as well.  Even if it's true that the effect of the medication fades after three years, three years is a long time, and the benefits could improve that child's life forever.

One reason I became an educational consultant and started ParentConfidante School Success Consulting is that many of the evaluations I read were incomplete and didn't consider all factors.  In my work, I refer parents to highly skilled professionals whose assessments are reliable and give a complete picture of the child and what would be helpful. An accurate diagnosis is crucial if the child is to make lasting progress. To help your child make the positive steps she deserves contact me at 646-300-1881.

 

 

 

 

 

Best Early Intervention Helps Manhattan Preschooler into Mainstream Private School

I was very happy today to get this email from a former client.

Toby,

I just want to let you know that <child's name> made dramatic improvement this year and actually made it into <mainstream Upper East Side NYC private school>!!!  Can you believe it?  We can't and as you can imagine we are overjoyed!

The audiologist and the speech therapist you recommended made all the difference, especially after <NYC preschool director> sent us on that wild ride.  You would not believe how <child's name> is now totally in the mix in class.  He even gets invited to playdates.  What a difference we've seen this school year.

Thank you again.

Help Finding NYC, New Jersey, and Westchester Schools for Hyperlexic Children

Thanks to NYC schools consultant Emily Glickman of Abacus Guide Educational Consulting who gave me a shout out today for my work helping hyperlexic children find appropriate private and public schools in Manhattan and surrounding areas.

To read Emily's post, Help for Hyperlexia (Thoughts on Gilman's The Anti-Romantic Child) on her New York City (Manhattan and Brooklyn) schools blog.

Manhattan Special Needs: Manhattan Needs More Special Needs High Schools like Churchill High School

I recently attended an open house at the Churchill School that was amazingly crowded with New York parents looking for an opening in a Manhattan Middle or High School.  Churchill School made it clear that there were very few spots available but that didn't keep the parents from asking very thoughtful, knowledgeable questions and appearing hopeful.  They were obviously hoping that their child would be the lucky one to get that opening in the 6th or 9th grade and hoping that more Manhattan parents would be transfered to San Francisco so another spot was available.  When asked where else their children were applying, some parents mentioned Winston Prep and  boarding schools for children with special needs (Landmark, Eagle Hill), but all bemoaned the dearth of High Schools in NYC for children who continue to need specialized instruction and organizational support.

It is surprising that there are so few secondary special needs schools in NYC.  I guess the hope is that most students will be able to thrive in mainstream schools if they get the help they need in the early grades.  However, the demands in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Riverdale, and Westchester high schools are intensive and children with learning disabilities often need continued support and accommodations.  Children with special needs have to work hard to compensate for their difficulties and they can be easily discouraged if the demands are overwhelming.   Although there are some non-special ed private schools that offer support programs, it may not be enough and it's no wonder that parents are concerned.

Recognizing the need, Aaron Academy and Mary McDowell Friends School have recently started high schools as an extension of their elementary schools.  These are welcome additions.  However, it seems that more is needed - what an entrepreneurial as well as educational opportunity!

For help in 2011-2012, toby@parentconfidante.com  or 646-300-1881 and hurry please as my schedule is filling quickly.

Help for NYC Siblings of Autistic Children (Unlike During Allen Shawn's Childhood)

In the New York Times Style Magazine (12/5/10), there is an excerpt from Allen Shawn’s upcoming memoir, “Twin”, in which he writes about the disappearance from his life at the age of 8 of his twin sister, Mary.  Allen, the son of William Shawn, the legendary New Yorker editor, describes how he felt when Mary, diagnosed as autistic, was sent to Sandpiper, a residential school for mentally disabled children.  Except for scripted letters and occasional visits, she vanished from the everyday life in Manhattan of Allen and his brother Wallace, leaving Allen disoriented, with a fierce fear of loss and a consuming focus on “truthfulness”.  As he puts it, Mary’s “departure from our life was like an unmourned death”.  The family rarely referred to her.

Mary is described as inner directed, but also connected to her siblings, showing affection and sometimes joining them in their games.  She could be erratic in her moods and not communicative verbally.  She is not described as explosive, out of control or a danger to herself or others and there’s no question that in our time, she would have stayed with the family.  What happened to Mary is reflective of how children with severe mental, developmental or emotional disabilities were treated in the 50’s and 60’s and her residential placement was no doubt recommended and supported by the professionals who were working with her.

Parents, often bewildered and surely guilty, felt that sending children with disabilities away was beneficial to them and the whole family and it seems that little notice was taken of the impact that such a banishment had on the other children in the family.  While it is probable that Mary’s life experience was narrowed and her potential curtailed, the impact on the other children was also profound.  Allen didn’t understand until he was an adult that his severe anxiety disorder was directly related to what happened to his sister.

There is currently much more of a realization of what should have been clear - that the normally developing siblings are impacted by the decisions made regarding the child with special needs.  Allen’s life experience would certainly have been different if his parents were able to talk about why they sent Mary away and maintain more contact with her.  However, in those days such openness would have been extraordinary.  More common then, and often now, is the shame and guilt that limits communication.

Today, there are programs available to help brothers and sisters of individuals with special learning, health, emotional of developmental needs.  One of the best known programs is Sibshops which provides a framework for siblings to meet with peers and share experiences, feelings and advice.  The meetings have a recreational aspect as well and are fun.  Many agencies sponsor Sibshops and availability should be checked on the internet. 

Perhaps if Sibshops were available for Allen, he would have been spared some of the emotional stress in his adult life.  But that wasn’t the style in those days (maybe that’s why this article was in the Styles section.)

I have lead Sibshops and know first hand how liberating and beneficial these groups can be for youngsters with special needs siblings.

In addition, numerous Manhattan, Brooklyn, New Jersey and Westchester families have hired me to meet privately with them to discuss how to help siblings of autistic children.  Luckily, today, we recognize the needs of all children in a family.

Coping with Dyslexia

I recently read an article about Dannel P. Malloy who is running for Governor of Connecticut.  Although Mr. Malloy graduated magna cum laudi from Boston College and from Boston College Law School, as a child he had trouble learning to read, do math and master basic skills such as tying his shoes.  As late as the fourth grade, his teachers thought he was retarded.  However, his mother knew better and she encouraged him to concentrate on what he could do well.  For instance, she knew Dannel had a good memory and gave him a radio so he could hone his oral listening skills.

It turned out, Mr. Malloy had a learning disability which thirty years ago wasn't as readily discerned as today.  Mr. Malloy eventually learned to read although to speed the process, he listened to books on tape until he was a sophomore in college.

I find Mr. Malloy's story interesting in many ways. He was so lucky.  First, his  remarkable mother listened to her intuition about her son and not what she was told.  She encouraged him to use the skills he had, while helping him overcome his weaknesses.  Too often, we as parents overlook our children's strengths because we're so concerned about the implications of their weaknesses.  In addition, he was lucky that he was in a mainstreamed learning situation where he could learn and be intellectually stimulated by listening.  Mr. Malloy also learned what it takes to be successful.  Learning disabled children have to work harder than anyone just to keep up.  But that hard work, determination and perseverance pay off.  It certainly has for Mr. Malloy.

We often tell children about famous people (e.g. Nelson Rockefelor, Tom Cruise) who also struggled with learning disabilities.  To that list we should add Mr. Malloy (and his mother).

In my special needs consulting in NYC, Westchester and New Jersey, I often hear parents say that their pediatrician told them not to be concerned about the delays they saw- that all children develop differently.  But, these parents listened to their intuition, had their children evaluated and had them receive early intervention special education services.  Early Intervention made all the difference - many of the children are now in regular classes doing well.

 

 

SPROUT FILM FESTIVAL

SPROUT FILM FESTIVAL

The Sprout Film Festival, featuring film and video related to developmental disabilities, will take place this weekend, Friday April 30 – Sunday May 2, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  The Sprout Film Festival aims to raise the profiles of people with disabilities by showcasing them as both subjects and performers. Films from many countries, exploring a wide variety of issues, will be available at the festival.

By presenting films of artistry and intellect, the festival hopes to reinforce accurate portrayals of people with developmental disabilities and familiarize the general public about important issues facing this population. The goal is an enjoyable and enlightening experience that will help break down stereotypes, promoting a greater acceptance of differences and an awareness of similarities.

The Sprout Film Festival was founded in 2003 and is programmed and supported by Sprout, a NYC-based non-profit organization, dedicated to bringing innovative programming to people with developmental disabilities.
 
 
scheduling and ticket information is available  at:

   http://www.sproutfilmfestival.org/
   
    

Should Parents Share Information regarding Special Education Services?

Parents of youngsters receiving special education services are often concerned about telling their child's prospective kindergarten teacher that their child has received services through Early Intervention or CPSE. Early intervention services did what it's supposed to do and their child is now ready to go into a regular class, but parents are uneasy about sharing the history of special needs. They fear that if the teacher knows that their child once needed additional help, their child will be stigmatized in some way and that the teacher will look for problems that aren't there.  This is especially true in the NYC where parents are knowledgeable and wary. 

In my experience this concern is unfounded if understandable.  Teachers are much more concerned with how a child is functioning now than what they needed in the past.  If the parents were proactive enough to get early intervention services, that's positive.  In addition, there might be some residual weakness that the teacher should know about so that teaching is more effective.  For instance, if there was a receptive language issue, the teacher would double check to see that the child understands the classroom directions. If auditory processing is slow, the child may need extra time to respond to a question. If OT was needed, the child might still benefit from a special pencil grip which could be put in place from the beginning of the year to limit frustration.

In short, when a child has or is still receiving some kind of services, it's a good idea to let the teacher know.  The teacher and child will only benefit from the sharing of this knowledge.

 

Parents have feelings also.

In A Special Education, noted clothing designer, Dana Buchman gives an honest and touching account of her reactions to her daughter's learning disability.  While Ms. Buchman talked about therapists and schools, what I found most compelling in this book was her description of her feelings - the hope that there was nothing wrong when developmental milestones weren't met, the grief when a problem was diagnosed, the fear that her daughter wouldn't be able to cope in this world, the disappointment that high achievers like her and her husband have a child with problems, the guilt that she wasn't doing all she could and finally the acceptance that life doesn't always work out as planned and that her daughter had talents and skills that weren't always recognized in our competitive, driven society.  This is a book worth reading.

I have worked with so many parents struggling with these same emotions - feeling scared, overwhelmed and fearful of making a wrong decision about the services their children need.  They often ask how long it would take before their children are "normal".  Although I don't have a crystal ball, I know that many learning issues never go away - children learn to compensate.

ParentConfidante Special Needs Consulting was started to help parents understand that these feelings are normal and to move ahead and make the right decisions for their children in spite of their fears.